so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
