your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
