I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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