It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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