If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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