Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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