nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
