If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
