Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
