We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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