Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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