Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
