its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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