I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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