If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
