I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize