She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
