he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
