I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
