Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
