he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
