So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I deserve this hangover.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
