my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
