i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
