It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
