Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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