i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
