yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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