Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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