spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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