This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
