brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
