Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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