I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
