I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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