my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
