btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
