i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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