I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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