Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's get the cat blown out
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
