so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Small penises have feelings too.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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