I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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