It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
