Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
