my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize