My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
