This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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