filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
