I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize