I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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