His hands were made for my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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