So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
