at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
