I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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