he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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