My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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