how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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