WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
