So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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