I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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