Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
