i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
