just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
