please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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