Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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