Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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