the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize