I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
