who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
