i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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