People in love make me want to vomit
someone owes me an orgasm
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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